Like I totally can't believe it.
I can't just get this fact out of my head that may be i'm in love with him. Sometimes I think may be I thought so much about hating him that my brain has started to believe that I actually like him. I mean after coming back from school I'd think about how he teased me, how badly he behaved, how I should have responded, how I would respond the next day, etc..etc.. He actually occupied my most of the time. I'd tell my mother how a certain guy teases me at school and my mother would say may be he likes you that's why he does so. 'huh! Not even in my wildest dreams!' I'd think.
I wonder could you hate someone so much that ultimately it converts to love?
Yes, it's difficult to live with so much hatred in one's heart. Your heart just bursts out. May be that's why it converted into love. When and how did it happen I don't know. As the Bible says, "Bless those who curse you!". May be it happened when I prayed to God every night to give me strength to tackle with so much of hatred which I didn't want to feel. I prayed to God to bless you abundantly. May be it happened when I decided to forgive you with all my heart so that I can live in peace. 'Cause as they say hatred burns one's own heart more. And may be you didn't have a clue.
Yes, I still pray for you at times. Don't know why. May be because somewhere I'm hoping you'd have changed. You'd have realized how I'd have felt. You'd have felt the way I felt. You'd have felt sorry.
Sometimes I wonder if we ever meet again, would I smile or would I cry or would I be so overwhelmed to speak? My heart would be gushing with emotions which can't be explained. Would you feel how i'd felt? I'd be relieved for sure. Would you know or would you not? I wonder sometimes if somebody can affect a person so much. This love-hate feeling just wouldn't go.
I really want to love someone now with all my heart and soul. No, not anger converted into love. But love! just love because I want to love!
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